listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
