Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
