You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
