So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
