i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
What a dumb baby whore.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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