did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
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I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
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It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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