so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
