also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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