I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
