i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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