Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
