I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
