He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
either way he was missing a nipple.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
