you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
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