so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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