so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
