Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
