I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
