We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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