Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
