I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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