Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
