Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
We have so much sex to catch up on
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
