I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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