drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
