Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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