I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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