I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
