youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
