we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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