dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
