Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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