Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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