a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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