i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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