your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
