were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We left the knife in your bed.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
