Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
