I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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