I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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