I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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