And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
