there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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