Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
