tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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