The maid of honor just puked.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
