bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
