so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
