I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
