i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
