he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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