quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
