Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
