do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
