i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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