The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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