dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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