Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
