you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize