4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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