He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize