Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
