their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Randomize
