i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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