if i can run in heels then i can drive
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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