Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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