god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
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