no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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