Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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