honey bunches of taint.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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