Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
