i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
