Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
