was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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