I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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