Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
