I skipped work to stalk him.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
