just come out here and I will go home with you...
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
